Cuckolding: What it is and how you can get started


Cuckolding has been on the rise in BDSM, swinger, and other kinky communities. Chances are, you are here because the concept interests you or you have come across the word and didn’t know what to make of it.

No worries, here is you guide to cuckolding, what it is, where it comes from, the different practices involved, and how you can incorporate it into your relationship.

What is Cuckolding in BDSM?

A Cuckolding fetish in BDSM refers to a (male) person, known as the “cuckold”, receiving sexual pleasure from their partner – the hotwife – engaging in sexual activity with another person, often involving elements of humiliation, power dynamics, and chastity. It is often practiced in female-led relationships. Female cuckolds are called “cuckqueans”.

Cuckolding has been an increasing fetish in the BDSM world and is one of the most searched-for kinky terms on Google.

While originally referring to a man raising the children of another while thinking they were his own (due to the wife being unfaithful), it is now almost exclusively reserved for the consensual sexual fetish.

“Cuckolding” describes a man gaining sexual arousal from the knowledge or visual of his partner (often called “hotwife”) having sex with another person. The man may or may not be involved in this.

In female-led relationships (FLR) with a dominant woman and a submissive man, the fetish is often paired with humiliation, voyeurism, chastity, and power dynamics.

The counterpart to the cuckold is often referred to as the “bull” or “alpha”. They are typically more dominant and are the person with whom the cuckold’s partner engages in sexual activity.

The term “cuckolding” has also been extended to include similar dynamics with different gender combinations. When roles are reversed (so a woman enjoying her partner engaging with others), she is sometimes referred to as a “cuckquean“.

Female cuckolds are called “Cuckqueans”

Important cuckolding terms

Here are the most important terms you’ll come across when talking about or researching cuckolding.

Cuckold or “Cuck” – A male person that enjoys his partner(s) from being sexually active with others.

Cuckquean – (rarely “cuckqueen”) The female person that enjoys his partner(s) from being sexually active with others.

Hotwife / Hotman – The partner of the cuckold/cuckquean who has sex with others with the knowledge of their partner.

Bull / Alpha – The counterpart of the cuckold who has sex with the hotwife.

C1 / C2 / C3 – Different levels of cuckolding often used to describe the practices and kinks involved in a cuckolding relationship

Never inside – Refers to the fetish or practice of the cuckold and his hotwife never having sex again with each other.

Common cuckolding practices & kinks

Cuckolding can involve a range of activities and scenarios, depending on the individuals’ desires and boundaries. This might include the cuckold observing their partner with another person, or simply knowing about their partner’s other sexual activities.

Here are some common cuckolding practices:

  • The cuckold watching the hotwife have sex with the bull
  • Hotwife and/or bull humiliating cuckold
  • Hotwife chastising cuckold while being sexually active herself
  • Power dynamics between hotwife & cuckold
  • “Forced bi” practices
  • The bull ejaculating into the hotwife without a condom
  • The cuckold receiving photos or videos from the hotwife’s dates
  • The cuckold serving the hotwife and her bull

As with every fetish or kink, if you can think of it (and enjoy it) it’s probable someone else might feel the same way.

As long as you respect each other’s boundaries and don’t harm anyone, you can do whatever you like.

The three levels of Cuckolding: C1, C2, C3

In the cuckolding and BDSM community, the different levels of cuckolding (meaning the extremeness of the fetish) are often divided into three levels.

C1 – Beginner

C1 cuckolding is “just” a role play. The cuckold enjoys sharing his wife with other people and considers it a pleasurable experience and a change from the sexual routine. Chastity is usually not part of the fetish at this point.

MMF threesome
Cuckolds may also enjoy joining in during sexual activities.

C2 – Intermediate

Often used in FLR relationships where the woman or hotwife controls her husband sexually. She may have one or more lovers she meets regularly. The cuckold no longer has any influence on her sex life. The hotwife may keep her cuckold chaste for (longer) periods of time, for example with a chastity belt to which only she has the keys.

Penis in chastity cage
Chastity often plays an important part in cuckold relationships.

C3 – Advanced

At C3 level, the FLR relationship often also includes not just sex but everyday life as part of a 24/7 Ds relationship. There is no more sexual contact between the couple. The cuckold is “never inside”, meaning he does not have intercourse with his wife any longer.

Just labels

C1-C3 are merely labels used in the BDSM community to describe the type of cuckolding relationship between two people. They are not “rules” to follow or mandatory steps to take!

Of course, you might call them whatever you like, but sooner or later you will come across somebody mentioning the ones above.

Is cuckolding unhealthy?

Cuckolding is not unhealthy or dangerous, as long as you and your partner follow safe and consensual practices, open and respectful communication, and everyone involved agrees to it. However, cuckolding is never an excuse or free pass to cheat on your partner.

As with every fetish, there is a fine line between sane and consensual practices and unhealthy behavior. It always depends on the individuals involved and how it is practiced.

Boundaries & Respect

Practicing cuckolding in a consensual and respectful manner is great. However, if you notice the other person not respecting boundaries or safe practices, leave immediately!

It’s important to remember that sexuality is diverse, and what might be appealing and exciting for one person might not be for another.

Of course, this can also change over a period of time, and what seemed healthy or fun before might turn out to be different later on.

Like any other sexual behavior, if cuckolding is practiced in a way that respects consent, communication, safety, and boundaries, it can be a super exciting lifestyle. However, it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay too. It’s important for everyone to understand their own comfort levels and respect the comfort levels of others.

Here are some factors that signal a healthy cuckolding lifestyle:

  1. Consent: This is paramount in any sexual activity, but especially when exploring kinks and fetishes. All parties involved should be fully informed about what will happen, and should freely agree to participate. Consent should be actively sought, not assumed.
  2. Communication: Everyone involved should have open, honest conversations about their desires, boundaries, and concerns. Clear communication can prevent misunderstandings and potentially harmful situations.
  3. Respect for boundaries: Everyone has different comfort levels and limits. These should always be respected, and no one should be pressured into going beyond what they’re comfortable with. Therefore, we also have different “levels” of cuckolding.
  4. Safety: Particularly with fetishes that may involve humiliation or dominance, it’s important to have measures in place to ensure everyone’s physical and emotional safety. Always have a safeword in place!
  5. Positive impact: If cuckolding enhances the sexual experience for all involved, helps to build intimacy between partners, and doesn’t cause harm, it is a great expression of sexual freedom.

On the other hand, clear signs that your cuckolding lifestyle or practices have a negative impact are:

  • Is non-consensual or involves pressuring someone into participating
  • It leads to significant distress or anxiety
  • Interferes with daily life or responsibilities
  • Causes harm to oneself or others
  • Is an excuse for cheating
  • It leads to feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem

Fetish vs Real Life

Being a cuckold should NEVER lead to you losing your self-esteem in real life or bad decisions for yourself and your family.

If you have concerns about your own or a partner’s sexual interests or behaviors, it may be helpful to speak with a mental health professional or a certified sex therapist. They can provide guidance and support that’s based on understanding, respect, and professional knowledge.

How to get started with Cuckolding

The best way to start with cuckolding in your relationship is to talk openly to your partner and exchange desires, ideas, and fantasies around the topic. Start off with light role-play before opening your relationship and inviting others.

So you have read up on cuckolding and are eager to try it?

Now before you go off and start inviting others over for threesomes and orgies, there are a few things to take into consideration first.

Speak to your partner about your wishes, desires, and fantasies. Explain to them, why you want to try out cuckolding and what you hope to gain from it.

Then give them time and space to let them make their standpoint clear. Are they also interested in this fetish/practice?

Do they have similar or different ideas?

Open communication is key to any successful relationship and even more so when fetish or BDSM are involved.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you want to try out cuckolding or is it simply a fantasy between you?
  • Do you understand what cuckolding encompasses?
  • Are you willing/ready to open your relationship?
  • How do you feel about seeing/hearing/knowing that your partner has sex with other people?
  • Does Dominance & submission play a role?
  • Are you interested in cuckolding or rather swinging in general?
  • How do you deal with jealousy?
  • Have you considered safe sex practices?

There are dozens of other questions that can be asked, but these are a good start for many.

Next up is the opening your relationship part. Do you have experiences with swinging or having sex with others outside of your relationship?

If not, maybe try that first before moving on to cuckolding.

See if you like it and enjoy the new sensations and excitement.

If afterward you are still excited by the thought of cuckolding, female dominance, or even chastity and such, it’s time to explore your kinky ideas further.

Origin of the word

The term “Cuckolding” originates from the cuckoo bird that lays its eggs in other birds’ nests, resulting in them unknowingly raising the offspring of another. It has historically been used to refer to a man unknowingly raising a child that wasn’t his, typically because his wife had been unfaithful.

The term “cuckold” has its roots in the natural behavior of the cuckoo bird and a centuries-old use in literature and social dynamics.

Some species of cuckoo are known for their brood parasitism – laying their eggs in the nests of other bird species. The unknowing host bird raises the cuckoo’s offspring, often at the expense of its own.

The word “cuckold” comes from the Old French word “cucuault,” or “cucu” meaning “cuckoo“. The -ald suffix was a pejorative term in Old French. Therefore, the term “cuckold” referred to man who was unknowingly investing resources in raising another man’s children, because his wife had been unfaithful, likening him to the duped bird raising a cuckoo chick.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a cuckold as “a man whose wife is unfaithful“.

The term has been used in English literature since at least the 13th century and was a common theme in medieval and Renaissance literature, often used to depict a character as weak or foolish. The term was frequently used to mock or belittle other men, as it implied a lack of control over one’s household and sexuality.

Isaac Cruikshank - The Cuckold Departs for the Hunt
Isaac Cruikshank – “The Cuckold Departs for the Hunt”

While still being used as such in many societies, the term has evolved in BDSM and kink contexts to refer to the sexual fetish we have looked at above.

Where to get cuckolding inspiration?

The best places to get cuckolding inspiration and info is by talking to other likeminded people at meetups or online forums, by reading up on the topic in books, and by talking about your fantasies with your partner. There are also sites like Reddit and adult entertainment that can give you inspiration.

Cuckolding from a psychological perspective

Cuckolding, like any other fetish or kink, is not inherently a psychological issue or disorder but rather a type of sexual interest or fantasy. The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), which is the primary system used in the U.S. to classify and diagnose mental health disorders, does not categorize specific sexual interests like cuckolding as disorders.

The same is true for the ICD-11 which does not include cuckolding in its list of disorders.

That said, a sexual interest can become problematic if it leads to distress, harm, non-consensual activities, or significant impairment in daily functioning. If someone becomes preoccupied with cuckolding (or any other sexual activity) to the point that it interferes with their ability to maintain healthy relationships, work, or carry out other important activities, they might benefit from speaking with a mental health professional.

One category in the DSM-5 looks at so-called Paraphilic Disorders. Paraphilias are intense and persistent sexual interests in atypical objects, situations, or individuals. When these interests cause distress or impairment to the individual or harm or the risk of harm to others, they are considered Paraphilic Disorders. It’s important to note that many people have paraphilias (atypical sexual interests) that are not distressing to them or others and therefore are not classified as disorders.

In conclusion, cuckolding, like any other kink or fetish, is not in itself a psychological issue. However, like any interest or behavior, if it becomes obsessive, distressing, harmful, or non-consensual, it could be indicative of a broader problem, and professional help should be sought.

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