What is a Sub Drop in BDSM? – Understanding & Mastering the Dreaded Feeling After

A sub drop can occur after a BDSM session when the submissive suddenly feels super sad or emotionally distressed. It is a very strange and unnerving feeling for the sub and irritating or frightening even for the dominant partner.

At the same time, it can be a regular occurrence in many BDSM and power-exchange relationships so it helps to know more about it.

Let’s understand what a sub drop means, when and how it can occur, and what you can do to prevent or soften its effects in your DS relationship.

Let’s get kinky!

What is a Sub Drop in BDSM?

A sub drop is the sudden intense feeling of sadness, lethargy, irritability, or confusion by a submissive right after an intense BDSM scene or play session.

It describes the experience of a sudden drop in energy, mood, or well-being that a submissive should usually feel after BDSM play with his or her partner. There are different intensities of such drops and they may occur in submissives of any gender or sex.

A typical example is a submissive who has had an (objectively) great time with his or her Dom and then suddenly falls into a deep hole of depression-like emotions. They might feel completely exhausted or sad for no apparent reason.

In other cases, this can be delayed by hours or even appear one or two days after without additional triggers.

From personal experience, the more intense the scene, the more intense the drop afterward. There are several possible explanations for this phenomenon but the reasons can be very different from person to person.

Sub drops aren’t “bad” per se and I have even read someone refer to it as a “fancy term for ‘being sad the nice thing stopped'”. Often, you can compare it to coming back home after a vacation. It was amaaaaziiiingg…and now…you’re back home…have to go to work…you get the point.

However, if you notice you feel a drop all the time, you should talk to your friends and Dom about it, as this can indicate a deeper trauma or uncomfortable situation you’re in.

Common Symptoms of a Sub Drop

Everyone experiences sub drops differently but these are some of the most common symptoms:

Mood Swings

After initially feeling great right after the session, the sub’s mood may suddenly change to sadness or feeling empty inside. It is also no uncommon that this switches back and forth.

Feeling Cold

Many subs describe the “I feel cold” as the most important indicator of when it is a real sub drop vs normal sensations. It’s a good idea to always have a warm blanket or hoodie at your disposal during aftercare.

Vulnerability

Feeling vulnerable after an intense session – especially one that involves advanced practices like impact play or degradation – is common in submissives. This feeling can be both emotionally as well as physically.

Guilt & Shame

Guilt and shame are more common in younger or inexperienced subs, or when you did something for the first time. As a Dom, it is important to talk to your submissive and support them emotionally. Ensure everyone understands their self-worthiness and respect in the eyes of the other person.

Sadness & Depression

Sadness and depression can happen during sub drops in a similar way, as they occur after something fun has ended. My favorite example is the empty feeling you get in the movie theater right after a film has ended.

Other common symptoms:

• Depressive state
• Lethargy
• Feeling super cold
• Sudden mood changes
• Memory problems
• Inability to make decisions
• Sadness
• Anxiety
• Irritability
• Restlessness
• Pessimism
• Excessive appetite
• Loss of appetite
• Insomnia
• Tiredness
• Feelings of guilt
• Worthlessness
• Helplessness
• Hopelessness
• Feeling of emptiness
• Headaches
• Cramps

You see, there is a long list of possible symptoms. But be careful, not all of this is a “drop”. If you have an amazing 3-hour long session, it is completely normal to feel tired, hungry, or even have a headache (usually a sign of dehydration).

Reasons for a Sub Drop

A sub drop can be caused by the sudden decrease or withdrawal of endorphins and adrenaline that were released during the intense scene, or the sudden realization of certain actions that were performed.

A sub-drop is usually partly psychological, emotional, and physiological.

From a psychological and physiological standpoint, it may result from the abrupt withdrawal of endorphins and adrenaline that were released during the intense activity. This is what I like to call a “true” sub drop and it is nearly impossible to prevent this 100%.

Then we have the emotional reasons for a sub drop which may occur hours or days after the session. A good example is a sub who experienced something for the first time that was very close (or even beyond) their personal boundaries. They might get caught in the feeling of “what have I done” or “am I really this kind of person“, etc. which can turn into a spiral of depressing feelings.

It doesn’t matter how rational or irrational these thoughts may be, so no matter the reason for a sub drop, it must be taken seriously by everyone involved.

Last but not least, a sub drop can also be caused by abusive actions by the Dom which is the worst possible scenario.

Never engage in any sexual or other acts without consent from everyone involved!

In this case, your “sub drop” is actually a warning signal that you should NOT further engage in any sexual or BDSM acts with that person.

How to Prevent a Sub Drop

It’s possible to prevent sub drops through open communication by everyone involved, respecting boundaries, and good aftercare after any BDSM play.

The most important way to prevent sub drops is to communicate clearly throughout a scene, as well as before and after. This helps both Dom and sub and is super helpful!

Asking frequently “are you okay” or “what’s your status” as a Dom is good practice and in no way a sign of lack of dominance. On the contrary, nobody can expect you to read a person’s mind so it’s best to just ask.

The same goes for the sub and you should get into the habit of telling your Dom early if anything feels unnerving.

Aftercare is still the best way to connect to each other after a session and get everyone involved back to “normal”.

How to Deal with a Sub Drop as a Dominant

The best way to deal with a sub drop as a Dominant is by staying with your submissive partner, comforting them, and providing aftercare. It also helps to recheck boundaries and talk through the scene together.

For a Dominant, aftercare means providing comfort, care, and reassurance to the submissive after a BDSM session. Cuddling is great, as well as stying physically and emotionally close to each other.

The idea is to create a safe and supportive environment to help the submissive return to their normal state of mind and emotional balance. This is not limited to a few minutes and it’s great to check in with the sub even days after a session!

Can Dominants Feel a Drop too?

Yes, Dominants can feel a drop in energy or mood, or experience sadness and confusion after particularly intense BDSM play, as well. The sensation can be very similar to what submissives feel and is sometimes called “Dom Drop”.

Although Dominants are often considered to be in the “strong” position…this doesn’t make us immune from intense feelings during or after a scene!

I personally see such drops mostly in younger and more inexperienced Doms, as well as those in relationships that haven’t been in the scene for long. Triggers are often really intense pain and impact play, as well as seeing their submissives cry during a scene.

If you are a Dominant experiencing a drop, let me makes this very clear:

It’s completely okay to feel sadness or mood drops as a Dominant after a scene.

It’s also really important to tell your submissive about it! Aftercare is for everyone and not limited to submissives. Cuddling and wanting emotional support doesn’t make you less of a dominant person…it just makes you human! 😊

Conclusion

A sub drop is a regular occurrence for many submissives in BDSM and power exchange dynamics and nothing to be worried about too much. Unless you frequently experience it or feel an unnatural cause for it, it is usually simply a sign of decreasing endorphin levels.

Aftercare with your Dom and emotional preparedness can help prevent it in many cases.

Have you experienced a sub drop before? Tell us your story in the comments and what you think helps when it happens!